| 1. | Sometimes we just don't want to talk. Don't take it         personally. | 
         | 2. | We notice other women because we are men and we are         alive. This does not mean we're planning to dump you and         jump them. | 
         | 3. | Our favorite T-shirts are not "disgraceful."         They show our loyalty to our college, our favorite sports         team, our favorite beer, our favorite vacation or number         23. | 
         | 4. | Helpless is not cute. | 
         | 5. | Get to the point. | 
         | 6. | Understand that men are single-minded and can only do         one thing at a time. So don't talk to us while we're         doing something. We will either ignore you, because we         don't hear you "honestly), or we'll screw up what         we're doing because you've distracted us. Exception to Rule 6. Interrupt us if something is on         fire, if someone needs immediate medical attention, if         Pamela Lee is on TV or if there is an emergency that         needs a hero.
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         | 7. | You can't complain that there are no good guys around         while some of us are still single. | 
         | 8. | If you ask us, "Do you think she's prettier then         me?" we just might say, "Yes." Then what         are you going to do? | 
         | 9. | Don't expect even a great relationship with us to         solve all your problems. Just because we love you,         doesn't mean your cellulite, your credit card debt or         your bad mood will disappear. | 
         | 10. | We would not wear high heels to impress you. | 
         | 11. | Breathe occasionally so we can get a word in. | 
         | 12. | For us, driving is not just a means of going from         point A to point B. It's an opportunity to control a         couple of tons of steel. We drive, therefore, we are. | 
         | 13. | If you want us to notice something, help us out by         saying something like, "I went to the beauty shop         today." | 
         | 14. | If you have to have a cat, at least don't call him         "Mister" anything. | 
         | 15. | Hide the self help books when we come over. They make         us nervous. | 
         | 16. | We need to vegetate. | 
         | 17. | We don't go shopping. When we need something, we buy         it. | 
         | 18. | We believe our bodily functions are perfectly normal         and, at times, quite amusing. | 
         | 19. | We don't believe you when you say money isn't         important to you. | 
         | 20. | When we see pictures of Michael Douglas and Catherine         Zeta-Jones we feel proud and happy to be men. We don't         care if it's not fair. | 
         | 21. | It's not that we don't want to make you happy, it's         just that sometimes, we don't know how. | 
         | 22. | Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it         down. | 
         | 23. | If it itches, it will be scratched. | 
         | 24. | If you ask a question you don't really want an answer         to, expect an answer you didn't want to hear. | 
         | 25. | Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it. | 
         | 26. | Don't ask us what were thinking about unless you are         prepared to discuss topis such as navel lint, the shotgun         formation and monster trucks. | 
         | 27. | Sundays equals sports. Period. | 
         | 28. | Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you. | 
         | 29. | When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you         wear is fine. Really. | 
         | 30. | You have enough clothes. | 
         | 31. | You have too many shoes. | 
         | 32. | Crying is blackmail. | 
         | 33. | Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot. | 
         | 34. | Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one:         Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really         obvious hints don't work. Just say it! | 
         | 35. | No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark         anniversaries on a calendar you know we check. | 
         | 36. | We're not mind readers and we never will be. OUr lack         of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we         care about you. | 
         | 37. | Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you         think we'd be any good at choosing which pair - out of 30         - would look good with your dress? | 
         | 38. | Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost         every question. | 
         | 39. | Come to us with a problem only if you want help         solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your         girlfriends are for. | 
         | 40. | A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See         a doctor. | 
         | 41. | Check your oil. | 
         | 42. | Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than         deceived. | 
         | 43. | It is neither in your best interest or ours to take         any quiz together. | 
         | 44. | It doesn't matter which quiz. | 
         | 45. | Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an         argument. All comments become null and void after seven         days. | 
         | 46. | If you won't dress like the Victoria Secret girls,         don't expect us to act like the soap opera guys. | 
         | 47. | If something we said could be interpreted two ways,         and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the         other one. | 
         | 48. | You can either ask us to do something or tell us how         you want it done. Not both. | 
         | 49. | Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to         say during commercials. | 
         | 50. | Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and         neither do we. | 
         | 51. | If you wear a Wonderbra and a low-cut blouse, you         lose the right to complain about having your boobs stared         at. | 
         | 52. | Our relationship is never going to be like it was the         first two months we were going out. | 
         | 53. | Men see a limited number of colors, like Windows         default settings. Peach is a fruit, not a color. | 
         | 54. | Ditto melon. | 
         | 55. | If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing,"         we will act like nothing is wrong. |